Does it Ever Get Easier?
Reflections from the trenches of early parenting, and a call to those further down the road.
I hesitated before hitting publish on this one. Parenting is full of so many beautiful moments, but right now it also feels really hard. I thought it might be worth sharing, in case it resonates with some of you too.
There’s a question I keep circling back to in these years of early parenting: does it ever get easier?
When my daughter was a newborn, I asked myself this constantly. The sleep deprivation, the relentless feedings, the feeling that my body and brain no longer belonged to me — it was all so consuming. I remember standing in the kitchen in the middle of the night, bouncing her in the dark, whispering to myself: when will this stop feeling so impossible? And the scariest thing was when people told me it never does. That parenting is just hard forever.
But here’s the thing: for me, it did get easier. Maybe it was her temperament, maybe it was my own nervous system finally catching up, but once we got through that first year, something lifted. Sure, there were new challenges — tantrums, transitions, big feelings — but the bone-deep exhaustion eased. I could laugh again. I could string thoughts together. There was space for joy alongside the struggle.
With my son, it’s been a different story. After a year I still wasn’t feeling like I had returned to myself (or at least a new version of myself that I felt comfortable with). He didn’t inherit the same miraculous sleep genes his sister did, and despite approximately 123,424 attempts at sleep training, nights are still more demanding than I imagined they’d be at this stage. It’s a different kind of marathon, one I didn’t anticipate, and I often find myself wondering what the next phase will look like…or perhaps more importantly, when will it begin?
Lately, I’ve been thinking about this question in all the little moments that make up our days. The way he arches his back with gorilla-strength resistance every time I try to buckle him into his car seat. The way both kids somehow need everything at once the moment I sit down. The way entire evenings are swallowed by bedtime routines that still don’t guarantee sleep. I love them fiercely, and yet I am truly, down-to-my-bones exhausted.
And then someone says, cherish every moment — it goes by so fast. I know they mean well. And I know it’s true. But sometimes I want to respond: fast compared to what? Because this hour has lasted a lifetime.
Most of my friends are right here in the trenches too. Some with newborns, some just hitting toddlerhood, a few with kids on the cusp of kindergarten. But not many people ahead of me. No mentors to point out what comes next, no roadmap to show me where this gets lighter.
That’s why I’m asking you here. Parents who are further down the road: when did it get easier for you? Was it gradual, or did you notice a moment where the air shifted? What marked that transition? Was it school? A certain age? Or simply the slow accumulation of skills that made family life more sustainable?
I know parenting never becomes easy in a simple sense. There will always be hard seasons, just different ones. But in the day-to-day reality, does the intensity change? Does it feel lighter?
I imagine I’m not the only one wondering this. So if you’re willing to share, your perspective might not just help me — it might give all of us in these early years a glimpse of the light ahead.
With care,
Davida
This is so relatable! I love the honesty weaved throughout this post, thank you.
I have an 20 month old and I'm just starting to find my groove a little (which happens to be as a newly single Mum).
First of all THANK you for this post. I think lots of people go trough this and feel the same way but it is basically unspoken for or put under the carpet. I sometimes feel like people think « you got the kids just deal with it » and this feels so lonely to me sometimes. Another thing is you probably forget about the early stages , the difficulties and challenges of parenthood and older people saying , no your were easy kids , no tantrums , i am
So sure they just forgot about it ! Anyway
Parenting is hard ( yeah to daycare 🤣). But parenting does get better ( or i might say diffèrent ) as they grow older. You might find some Time for yourself back, but challenges do come with each age.
I have a 6 1/2 yr old 4 1/2 yr old and a 1 yr old.
For me the baby years were not the most challenging toddlerhood was 3-4 years old get the worst out of me as they navigate through unknown émotions and tantrums and rudeness ( that they totally are unaware of ). The difficulty of going out in public with them and being exhausted by trying them to behave ( which is so difficult to grasp for them) and not run around everywhere and boy do they run fast haha.
Anyway i totally feel you. But it does get easier ! I am not that far Away from you in âge but for me 5 years was an actual cornerstone.
My first child then got more calm, and was able to play on his own for 1-2 hours at a time without me having to interfère . Having this in mind helps to navigate the difficulties with my second one and I see that I am more calm about his mixed feelings of toddlerhood which is so struggled with my first .
The milestones helped : being able to dress up on his own, to shower on his own ( with surveillance but still ). Being able to play without changing activity Every two minutes.
Raising multiple kids is hard but two things help for me :
Remember the years go fast but the minutes are long
Hearing other parents facing same difficulties as mine ( i am on a mom Facebook group… 80% of the posts are about 0-6yr parenting difficulties )
Listening to podcasts , i love Best of both world in english
Paying for therapy to complain about my kids ( not seeing great résults for the moment but Hope is there )
Again , I feel the same way as you, Sending lots of love here ! Parenting is hard and the challenges so overhelm you but the sparks of joy they give are so bright it makes you Forget all the bad !